Tag Archives: Critical Relationships

Share

  I have a Great Dane named Ziva whom I take for daily walks. However, the only time we can walk is at 5:30 AM when, at that time, it is very dark outside.  I live in the countryside so there’s a street light at the beginning of the road, one at the end of the road, and a lot of dark dirt road in between.  One day there was no moon and it was cloudy and so very, very murky! I was standing under the streetlight and I could see everything very clearly. I could see the direction in which we needed to go. As I walked out of the light and into the dark, I noticed a little bit of that primordial fear  Read the full article…

Share

Our Positive Power and Influence Program focuses on the use of personal, not positional power. Many people use their positional power in very productive ways. However, if the number one reason people leave their jobs is because of their bosses, it would indicate that people in positions of power do not use that power very effectively. We have traditional power relationships, like manager to direct report, but we also have power relationships with suppliers and partners. It is interesting to me that so many organizations give lip service to developing positive relationships with suppliers and win-win negotiations. The problem is that if procurement has specific objectives concerning money spent, and they are in a power position due to size, they still seem to act as  Read the full article…

Share

At birth, we began to express our personal needs to those around us, often very directly! While parents and relatives often complied because they were “supposed to,” a more subtle process was at work. At this early stage of our lives, we recognized that these important others felt rewarded by our smiles and felt unhappy or even punished by our tears. We built quickly on this fundamental discovery as our needs became more complex. We learned to state our likes and dislikes more clearly to support our demands. We discovered the value of bargaining and appealing to others’ personal needs in order to meet our own. We learned that it is not always necessary to give reasons for our needs, that it was possible to  Read the full article…

Share

What makes a good leader? So many people ask this question. There are statements such as “good leaders are born, not made.”  Some people say that leadership is about influence. Others insist it’s about making decisions. As I write this, I realize that leadership comes in moments, and anyone can be a leader. I think it’s 1) the ability to recognize the moment, 2) determining the required action, and 3) influencing people. Simple, right? Sometimes those three things can take months, and sometimes it can happen in a matter of seconds. The most dramatic are those decisions that are made in seconds – usually extreme situations where a decision is made, people are influenced and lives are saved. I don’t have many of those moments  Read the full article…

Share

According to Gallup, over 60% of employees either dislike or hate their jobs, and the most common reason is that they have narcissistic bosses.  So it should come as no surprise if you sometimes have trouble dealing with your boss. Just thinking about a high stakes salary negotiation, a sensitive year-end performance review, or having to deliver some kind of “bad news” to your boss can raise your stress level. It’s hard to be at your best in such situations. It will be a lot easier once you’ve crafted your influence strategy. Any time you need to influence upward, clarity is key. So prepare accordingly. First, get clear in your mind what’s working or not working, from your perspective, and what you hope or expect  Read the full article…

Share

The position of Project Manager is one of the fastest growing and most dynamic roles in organizations across all industries. It can also be the most demanding role. Much of the most important work in your organization gets done via projects. Personal and organizational success therefore rests, in large measure, on project success. The problem is, projects don’t always succeed. Even superbly qualified project teams may find themselves shackled by scope creep, resource depletion, lack of teamwork, or unexpected shifts in project specs. Strong project leaders steer their project teams clear of such obstacles. They skillfully interact with team members as well as key stakeholders to drive projects to their intended destinations, on time and within budget. Based on our research with over 30 project  Read the full article…

Share

Early in our lives, we responded to conflict and anxiety with the instinctive “flight or fight” response. As we grew up, we found a third path. We learned to handle internal or external conflict constructively, to hold off instinctive reactions, and to find more positive ways to solve problems. We found it beneficial to withdraw from heated situations long enough to cool down or change, to think about things and reflect on our own feelings, and to return ready to work through the tension. When we discovered that others had as much difficulty dealing with tension as we did, we became more sensitive to their inability to cope under certain circumstances. We pulled back to give them room to regain their equilibrium. We learned the  Read the full article…

Share

Human beings are social creatures. We like to spend time with and do things for people we like.  We tend to distance ourselves from people who are “different”.  However, in the workplace we do not generally have the luxury of choosing the people with whom we work. That means that sometimes we have to develop a relationship with someone we don’t like for whatever reason: personality, different opinions, different thinking style, or they just look weird to us.   So many people have said to me: How do I build relationships?  This always seems like such a strange question, but it really is challenging for some of my more technically oriented colleagues.  I usually suggest taking some time to get to know the other person,  Read the full article…

Share

Influence skills can help you meet personal objectives and maintain or build positive working relationships-simultaneously. Your challenge as an influencer is to pursue your objectives while fostering the stability and growth of your working relationships. High-impact influence skills, style flexibility, and disciplined planning will help you achieve this balance between objectives and relationships in most situations. Achieving a balance between objectives and relationships may be difficult when you and the target have strong personal differences. Balancing task objectives with relationships is difficult enough when you and another person have competing objectives-a common occurrence. Maintaining this balance can be even more delicate when you and the other person have a history of personality clashes or deep interpersonal conflicts. Some working relationships may be so ruptured and  Read the full article…

Share

Personal power in a negotiation is your knowledge of the negotiation process, your face-to-face influence skills, and your reputation as a negotiator. Your knowledge and experience allows you to see relationships among events in a negotiation. Negotiations follow certain patterns; your understanding of these patterns helps you to plan and to make effective on-line judgments and decisions. Knowing the overall process of a negotiation protects you from overreacting to specific events. Confidence in your ability to use face-to-face influence skills in managing the negotiation process helps you achieve high-quality agreements and helps maximize the value of the currencies available to you. Your skill level determines the range of tactics you can use as well as your ability to successfully implement them. Other parties expect that  Read the full article…